Kathryn's longing
by Muizeke83
Summary: Kathryn longs for what she can't have. Or so she thinks.


Kathryn's longing.

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Rated: G

Spoilers: None

Summary: J/C. Kathryn longs for what she can't have. Or so she thinks.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and its characters, but the story is all mine! BDC 2010

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Lately Kathryn felt tired and drained.

It had been fairly quiet in the Delta Quadrant, which was very unusual.

Although Voyager and its crew deserved some quiet time like this, at least some phenomenon was worth exploring.

They were explorers after all.

The holodeck was a much visited place, running a program the whole crew could enjoy.

Kathryn had stopped going, not really feeling like socializing.

She had tried to do some painting, but wasn't pleased with the results.

She had tried reading, but her mind kept drifting and she just kept going over the first page again and again.

Finally she decided to just go to bed.

After tossing and turning for almost an hour, she kicked back the covers and sighed in frustration.

She placed one arm on her forehead, while the other one rested on her stomach, absently stroking it.

It suddenly hit her!

Her chest tightened and tears welled up in her eyes.

A baby…

She was never going to have children.

She turned on her stomach and hugged her pillow, crying like a little child.

She had always imagined herself commanding Voyager for a few years, but also marrying Mark and having children of her own.

But that was when she was in the Alpha Quadrant, where she could take leave of command whenever she needed.

Now she was stuck here and therefore her plans had changed drastically.

The tears kept coming and she started hyperventilating.

She turned on her back again in panic and tapped her commbadge.

"Jane… way… to… Cha…ko…tay…" she gasped.

"Kathryn, what's wrong?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Can't… breathe…"

Before she knew it, she heard her doors swoosh open and him calling out for her.

"In… here…" she managed to say in between gasps.

He was at her side in a flash.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, pulling her into a sitting position.

"Can't… breathe… Chest… hurts…Panic…attack…" she forced the words out.

He got behind her on his knees, wrapping his arms around her and stretching her back to give her lungs room to expand again.

"Focus on my breathing, Kathryn. Slow down, feel me." he whispered in her ear.

She closed her eyes and felt his solid chest against her.

She sucked in and blew out the air, feeling the tension in her chest wear off.

"Breathe, Kathryn, breathe, that's it. Slow down, you're safe."

She relaxed again and fell back against him.

He sat down behind her and pulled her close to comfort her.

"Shh." His breath was warm against her skin.

He gently kissed her temple and left his lips lingering there.

Kathryn started crying again and covered her face with her hands.

She turned a little and curled up against him, clinging on to him like a lifeline.

"It's okay, let it out."

There was nothing more to do than to just hold her and ride it out with her.

His heart felt heavy, seeing her hurt like this.

This wasn't the first time he had seen her cry, but for her to completely break down like this sure was.

The strong Captain was gone, instead he held this fragile figure in his arms that just looked like Kathryn.

He looked down and noticed that she had stopped crying, but was now sleeping peacefully on his chest.

He carefully grabbed the covers and pulled them over her.

He too relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Chakotay." she whispered and gently caressed his cheek.

He was awake in a heartbeat and looked into her eyes.

"Kathryn, what's wrong?" he asked with concern.

"Shh, relax, nothing is wrong." she smiled lovingly, but that quickly faded.

She looked down and sighed. "I just thought you might be uncomfortable sitting like this."

"I'm fine, don't worry."

He put his finger under her chin to make her look at him.

She couldn't and closed her eyes.

A silent tear escaped.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

"Kathryn, tell me what's hurting you so much."

He wiped away the tear with his thumb.

"Oh Chakotay, everything is. My life… it's not how I pictured things at all." she sobbed.

"Stranding everyone out here in the Delta Quadrant and losing my family. Losing Mark and all my dreams along with it."

He didn't say anything, he just listened.

"It hit me…" she looked in his eyes, "I'm never going to have children."

She broke down again.

He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back to calm her down.

"Kathryn, sure you will. You still have plenty of time to have children."

"No, I don't. How…" she whispered.

Chakotay drew in a deep breath, lifted her head to him and planted his lips on hers.

Their first kiss was soft and tender, breathtaking.

He broke the kiss and looked at her.

She still had her eyes closed, but didn't move.

She slowly blinked, making him drown in her blue pools.

She leaned in again and kissed him back.

Her tongue gently grazed his lips and he opened his mouth to taste her.

She put her hand behind his head to deepen the kiss, their tongues doing a passionate dance.

They parted again for much needed air and went silent.

She rested her head against his chest.

"Kathryn, will you marry me?"

She looked up at him, letting the words sink in.

Her heart skipped a beat as she suddenly realized what he had asked her.

A smile appeared on her face and her eyes grew moist again.

"Yes! Yes, I will." she said and pushed up on her knees, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He held her tight and smiled as brightly as her.

She pulled back and kissed him, over and over again.

He grabbed her by her arms and held her off, trying to catch his breath.

"I want to make love to you! I want to make your dream come true." he whispered.

He pushed her back until she was lying down and took off his jacket and shirt.

She watched him and felt her body tingle.

They silently explored each other, enjoying every touch, kiss and sensation, until they both reached perfect bliss.

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Epilogue:

Kathryn and Chakotay had Neelix organize a party, surprising everyone with their big news.

Although for some, this wasn't something they didn't expect.

To quote Tom Paris: 'Ah, you two finally came to your senses! What took you so long!'

They had a wonderful wedding ceremony and the most magical wedding night.

That was also the night Chakotay made her dream come true.

A few weeks later Kathryn found out that she was pregnant.

Except for their wedding, that was the most beautiful day of her life!

Of their lives, together…

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The end


End file.
